Why do I feel this way still?

Why is it when I close my eyes, you come into my head? I try to forget about you, but there you are. I try to get over you, but I can’t. I try to stop loving you, but I can’t, I won’t. No matter what you stick with me. 

Did I love you more than I thought? Did I love the idea of finally having someone? Were we a perfect match regardless of all our flaws? The things I broke up with you over, were they really worth it? I do not regret it, but I do question it. I question it when I’m lonely. When you pop into my mind unwanted. 

Is this what love and heartache is supposed to be? Am I supposed to think of you this much even though it has been 6 months? Am I missing you or the thought of you? Am I missing having someone who loves me as much as you? We were only together for a year and a half and only saw one another (mostly) on weekends. 

I feel i shouldn’t be this emotional about you still. I wonder if a part of me is broken even though it is my own doing. Will I ever be over you? Will I compare my future lovers and relationships to you? Do you even miss me? Do you think of me?

I know you moved on so quickly, only 3 weeks later and already in a new relationship. Part of me questioned how that was achieved if you were 100% committed to me anyway. You seemed to take our breakup better than expected, but how much of it did I not see vs what I did?

Why am I even still questioning anything? I know I need a connection with someone. Some sort of thing that’s intimate, but won’t break my heart. Does that even exist? 

Why? Why do I feel so broken…torn…sad… where do I get all of this pain? Why do you have this effect on me still?! It makes me angry because everything was so perfect in my head, or at least it should have been. Why did I let myself get to this point? Why do you instill in me the feeling of wanting to cry and yet be so frustrated at the same time?

2 thoughts on “Why do I feel this way still?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s