This guy…

This guy. I have no idea why he has me feeling this way and why I think about him so much. We talked that first time for a bit, but it wasn’t anything that earthshaking. The more I glance up, the more I see him glace over. Am I just over thinking it and seeing what I want to see? Am I being a creeper by continually going back to see him? Why is this going through my head at all? How is it that this guy has me like this?

There’s so many signs that he wants to talk to me too, but am I mistaking them? Ugh!

He went so far as to even approach when I wasn’t along this time, asked how my weekend was and even gave me a handshake. Is the handshake weird? Did he do it so it didn’t seem weird since I wasn’t alone? I have so many questions and zero answers. My friend even “left to talk on the phone” so she could leave an opening for him to come over. I looked up when he walked by to his table nearby and i KNOW he noticed. We caught eachothers eye and my heart skipped a beat. I got a rush of adrenaline hoping he was going to come over, but he didn’t.

My biggest fears are that I don’t want to a) scare him away, and b) make this super awkward (which it just may be already). I just had a thought though. What if I test him? What if I don’t come in next weekend and just come in the next week and see if he mentions it? I’m I doing too much with all this right now? Is this really not as complicated as I’m making it out to be? Why does this torture me so much? Ahhhh!!!

I even find myself thinking of all these scenarios (all ending well) of finally getting his number or even just getting to see and talk. It’s all a bunch of perfect scenes where he approaches and I play the blushing maiden (definitely no maiden but you know what I mean). I imagine what our times would be like together even though I know nothing about him really.

I can’t say I have ever felt this kind of way before and it’s a little nerve-racking. This…unkown situation. Where we don’t know if he’s gay or straight, if he’s even into me, or if I’m just over-thinking it to the max.

I can only sit here and pray that this is the path I am supposed to be on. I know God is having me to through this for a reason, I just wish I knew why. I trust in Him to know what I need to do and I trust that He will show me where to go and what to do next.

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