I know, it’s a long time coming and quite the headache.
So turns out he was interested; however, he was unavailable emotionally and physically. In November he went on a 10 day vacation to Mexico with a friend. During that time he must have been bored at times because he would text me a lot! I even agreed to pick him up from the airport, mostly because I wanted to see him again. That day I had been a good boy that day by waking at 430 am to go to the gym, worked from 7 to 11, had. Class from 1130 to 430. I decided to go downtown and do homework at local coffee shops until his fight came in at 830. Well, his flight was delayed and didn’t come in until 11pm. By this time I was exhausted, but I refused to flake even though he said I could.
I picked him up finally and we made our way to his place. Chatting about his trip etc etc. When we got to his place he decided he wanted me to fuck him, and so I did. Of course the princess wanted a legit massage after his grueling day of relaxed travel. I obliged for all of 5 minutes until I got hard. We had sex for about 15 min when I started to wear out after my long day. I mean, I had been going for 20 or so hours at this point and I was tired as all hell. At this point I lost my hard on so we jerked ourselves off, which took FOREVER for me since I was so tired.
We hung out a bit longer and relaxed, talked and then said our goodbyes as he was tired and didn’t want me to stay over. It was 2am now, so I drove home.
The next day was chalked full of irritation for me. As texting he accused me of not finding him sexually attractive because of my boner being deflated half way through, as if my own self esteem wasn’t already taking a hit because of that! I had to tell him repeatedly about my long day and how sleep deprevation can have an effect on your erection. Being an RN I thought he would understand. Apparently I was wrong. I was so head over heels for this guy that I fought for him. It was at this point and even beforehand that I saw so many red flags, but I ignored them all.
His terrible communication skills should have given it all away, but I turned that blind eye. He would take hours to respond to me, and he even didn’t tell me it was his birthday that weekend. We made plans to hang out and he never contacted me or could set up a time. There were multiple times I asked if he was even interested or wanted anything with me, he would want to set up something and said he would hit me up on this day or that day, but the call or text would never come.
I started to give him a taste of his own medicine. Starting at the end of November, I text him once a week on my own, and if he finally text me first, I would wait for hours and hours to go by before I texted him. I did this more out of giving up and being unconcerned over him than anything, as it wasn’t about revenge or getting even. I stopped texting him altogether at the beginning of January. He didn’t hit me up until about the 15th. This was one of many times I laid it all out for him. Shooting down his many excuses as to why he was the way he was. I knew better. I’m empathic and I know when something is up or there’s a change in communication. He was talking and interested in someone else, which is cool, I just wished he was more of a man to let me know.
I felt dragged along, very second string, placed on the back burner. I’ve had this issue before, but I have come to love myself more and value my own feelings and desires. I was tired of feeling like a runner up while giving 100% at dating someone who didn’t feel the same. And I told him this multiple times. He came crawling back for more with his excuses again and again. I had already put up my walls however, and guarded myself. He started doing better by texing me daily, just small talk, and after 2 weeks tried to call me out on not hitting him up on my own to which I told him the same things again. His comprehension seemed to be good most of the time, but he would always seem confused later on, almost confusing me with someone else.
There are a lot of fine details I left out, but these details only furthered my need to be done with him. Finally 2 weeks ago, after him telling me he would call or text to set up a hang out so we can talk in person, he failed to do so once more. I sent him this text:
I think I have to cut this off now. I’m sorry. But again, you were supposed to contact me Saturday and did not. I’m weary of this back and forth. I was willing to give it a shot because I liked you, but all you’ve done is let me down continuously and that’s not a relationship I want to be in. Especially if what we have already been through is something to go by.
He texted back an hour later with “thank you” and I deleted his number.
I have added a one of my texts to him below.
Like I said the other night, you’ve wanted to set something up to talk but you never do. When you don’t and then you are busy with other plans all of a sudden, it makes me feel like you don’t care enough to you even want to see or talk to me. I feel like an inconvenience to you. That’s where I feel like I’m on the back burner. Like you’re not serious enough to want to pursue anything with me. You don’t make time for me in your life and that’s painfully apparent/obvious. I would have made time for you really quick before. I mean shit, I picked you up from the airport even though I had been busy and awake for 20 hours prior. I do things because I want someone in my life. I take that time to put you in it. You seem to be more apt to put people in that you know well, but getting to know me seems like it’s not a priority. That’s one of the reasons I’m distant and may seem colder than before. I’m protecting my heart from the hurt that I got from you before. To me, I see red flags everywhere telling me not to move forward with you, but I can’t help but let you in just a little bit and thus we are still talking.
I can’t say I was going to say I love you at all because I blatantly told you I liked you a lot and I was drawn to you for some reason; but that was thrown in my face multiple times. I was never too busy for you last semester. This semester I’m a bit more crunched and tired but I am willing but need more response and planning with you, which has yet to be seen.
That’s why I said I can see us being friends and developing something, but I need real effort on your part rather than the passiveness I’ve received previously. Yes you’re texing me more often now, but it feels like you’re doing it only because I told you to. It’s an exchange of pleasantries, and nothing more.
I don’t want to hurt you at all. But the way you have treated me in my eyes and the way it makes me feel definitely makes me hesitant.