I think what I miss the most about being in a relationship is not feeling alone and the intimacy. I think this is probably one of the most depressing parts about not having someone to share in your life. It is almost like you’re missing something out of your life, running but that other part that’s missing doesn’t complete you it just enhances your current life.
It has almost been a full year since I’ve called it quits with my ex, approximately 11 and a half months now. I found myself thinking about him often lately, even though I know what I did on breaking it off was the right thing to do. It was a toxic relationship, but I still miss the companionship.
As hard as I try and as hard as my friends may try, there has been nothing so far to fill the void I’m not having that companionship, that closeness, that intimacy, or that feeling of being so very alone. I love my friends dearly for all they’ve done for me, but unfortunately I do not think it will ever fill the void.
So many times I have said that I give up on love and that I’m just going to focus on me. I end up always finding myself back in the clutches of Hope and looking for love in all the wrong places. When I do this I always get more depressed because I know that I may not find exactly what I’m looking for where I’m looking for it.
I found myself reveling in self-destructive behavior. Certain songs make me emotional even though they don’t have any memories attached to them. Sometimes I find myself thinking too much about everything. It is times like these that I try to turn to God so that he may save me and deliver me from the thoughts inside my head.
Oh Lord, oh my God, I pray to you to please help me and Deliver Me from these thoughts in my head. Please let me feel your love, your light, and your love. Amen.