This guy…

This guy. I have no idea why he has me feeling this way and why I think about him so much. We talked that first time for a bit, but it wasn’t anything that earthshaking. The more I glance up, the more I see him glace over. Am I just over thinking it and seeing what I want to see? Am I being a creeper by continually going back to see him? Why is this going through my head at all? How is it that this guy has me like this?

There’s so many signs that he wants to talk to me too, but am I mistaking them? Ugh!

He went so far as to even approach when I wasn’t along this time, asked how my weekend was and even gave me a handshake. Is the handshake weird? Did he do it so it didn’t seem weird since I wasn’t alone? I have so many questions and zero answers. My friend even “left to talk on the phone” so she could leave an opening for him to come over. I looked up when he walked by to his table nearby and i KNOW he noticed. We caught eachothers eye and my heart skipped a beat. I got a rush of adrenaline hoping he was going to come over, but he didn’t.

My biggest fears are that I don’t want to a) scare him away, and b) make this super awkward (which it just may be already). I just had a thought though. What if I test him? What if I don’t come in next weekend and just come in the next week and see if he mentions it? I’m I doing too much with all this right now? Is this really not as complicated as I’m making it out to be? Why does this torture me so much? Ahhhh!!!

I even find myself thinking of all these scenarios (all ending well) of finally getting his number or even just getting to see and talk. It’s all a bunch of perfect scenes where he approaches and I play the blushing maiden (definitely no maiden but you know what I mean). I imagine what our times would be like together even though I know nothing about him really.

I can’t say I have ever felt this kind of way before and it’s a little nerve-racking. This…unkown situation. Where we don’t know if he’s gay or straight, if he’s even into me, or if I’m just over-thinking it to the max.

I can only sit here and pray that this is the path I am supposed to be on. I know God is having me to through this for a reason, I just wish I knew why. I trust in Him to know what I need to do and I trust that He will show me where to go and what to do next.

He is there. Thank You God. 

Is this it? Is this my testimony? You’re real? 

It’s the second time I’ve been to church in 15 years. The last few weeks have been beautiful to me. The love, acceptance, happiness and fulfillment I have felt is such a great blessing. I have searched for answers my whole life, I have searched for peace. If this is what you offer me, I gladly accept this. 

While at church this last Sunday, we had a group prayer. We were asked to pray for those of us that have physical issues going on that need healing, depression and anxiety/relationship issues, and finally financial problems. I was able to honestly raise my hand for both the depression/relationship and financial issues. 

I prayed for myself to grow and get through my issues with depression and my past relationship, my financial issues as I go back to school, and to be able to get to my true happiness; however I also prayed for those around me which includes my neighbor Z who has ongoing heart issues. 

After this group prayer, a lady came up to me and say next to me and my friend and she asked if she could share God’s message with me. She told me she had a vision about me from God, and if course I said yes. 

This is what she shared:

“Hello, my name is Trisha. God sent me a vision for you. Would you like to hear it? [Yes please.] I’m sorry if I start crying, it’s a powerful message. [Definitely, thank you.] In my vision there was a pirates chest with treasure in it, overflowing and full of riches. It was locked and you held the key. It was surrounded by big shadowy figures that were blocking you from it. As I looked around there was a flashlight on the ground and it was pointed at the chest. It seemed like the flashlight was causing these shadows to be bigger and more scary than they were. I hope this message helps you and means something for you. [Thank you very much for sharing!]”

So this is my testimony. How this came from a complete stranger and yet it applied so much to the things I had prayed about and the struggles I have been through lately. I had asked for a sign earlier this month for God to let me know if he is real, I remained and probably still remain open minded. 

I have questions, but there is no doubt in my mind. I wonder, but there is no fear. With speaking to my family/community, I know I must give my troubles and fears and doubts unto Him for he will take them from me. When I fully accept Him, His son and their love, everything will be clear and empowering. 

I have asked God for help. I have asked Him for freedom and for His love, His forgiveness, and His acceptance. I have asked Him to deliver me into the hands of those that should most help my life to become whole. I have asked for Him to watch over those around me and to shower those I don’t know personally with His love, acceptance, and light for everyone needs it whether they think so or not. 

I feel so blessed after this weekend for he has shown me his love. I feel blessed that he had that vision sent to me. His love is real and his light will never fade. I have a long way to go yet, but it is a journey I will take on gladly.